Learn the fucking alphabet!
Regards,
Dr.Awkward
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Monday, October 26, 2009
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Friday, October 9, 2009
Experimental Medication
An unfortunate accident befalls an innocent young boy. Little does his mother know that the attending physician is the treacherous DR. REYNOLDS REYNOLDS! and this time, he's concocted a new wonder-drug, with deadly side-effects.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
9/23/09 8:57:04pm PDT - Urgent Video Intercept
This video has been intercepted by US intelligence officers, located at an undisclosed location, somewhere in the Pacific Rim. It contains the last known whereabouts of Vega Corp. CEO, Cardimone. This Video is Top Secret, so keep your f'in mouth shut.
-end transmission-
-end transmission-
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Monday, August 3, 2009
Monday, July 27, 2009
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
VR2009
We have lived in the future. No I am serious. We have lived in the future and we went right past it. There was a time that the future was donning a helmet or mask or suit, plugging in and taking a nice cool dip into the murky waters of a Virtual Reality. That time was 1992. The virtual world was an open canvas for your imagination. It was an escape to a world in which you controlled your destiny, desires, and where you could surpass your human limitations. Advance to the next level.
Well digging through our basement last week, Dr.Awkward has found the way back. Grab your Doc's, Discman, and flannels and let's step into the other side.
This is your standard VR setup of the day. I can not believe we were one the few that actually hung onto theirs. These things were like VCR's and microwaves in 1992, everyone had them, if not one, a spare on top of that. For you younger readers out there, that funny looking personal video viewer is actually an Adult Size VR Helmet. And those "weirdo" gloves, yep you guessed it, VR Gloves, junior.
The virtual world is nothing to be scared of, the VRuser is always in control. Your first few experiences of VR can be jarring. The utter freedom and power can stifle the initial fulfillment taken from your travels. For an experienced VRuser it can be magical.
Magical. VR allows the VRuser to do anything that their mind can conjure. If you want to fly, you FLY!
It is that easy. Even though you are traversing galaxies and universes of your own design, the VRuser is safe within the confines of home.
With limitless possibility at your finger tips, you are free to do what ever your fingertips would like. Maybe, say, pilot alien spacecraft to regions unknown......
while never leaving the kitchen.
Or just lose yourself, start playing God, and create yourself a VRPet or two and train them into ideal virtual beings.
Now I must warn you, newer VRusers are more susceptable to succomb to the lure of the virtual world and all its enticements, as they have not lived with such a powerful and awe inspiring technology as staple of their edutainment. With frequent use, the lines that usually seperate the real from the virtual will become, not so much blurred, as crystal clear. After prolonged use you will wonder how you have lived without this wonderful release from the modern world.
Well digging through our basement last week, Dr.Awkward has found the way back. Grab your Doc's, Discman, and flannels and let's step into the other side.
This is your standard VR setup of the day. I can not believe we were one the few that actually hung onto theirs. These things were like VCR's and microwaves in 1992, everyone had them, if not one, a spare on top of that. For you younger readers out there, that funny looking personal video viewer is actually an Adult Size VR Helmet. And those "weirdo" gloves, yep you guessed it, VR Gloves, junior.The virtual world is nothing to be scared of, the VRuser is always in control. Your first few experiences of VR can be jarring. The utter freedom and power can stifle the initial fulfillment taken from your travels. For an experienced VRuser it can be magical.
Magical. VR allows the VRuser to do anything that their mind can conjure. If you want to fly, you FLY!
It is that easy. Even though you are traversing galaxies and universes of your own design, the VRuser is safe within the confines of home.
With limitless possibility at your finger tips, you are free to do what ever your fingertips would like. Maybe, say, pilot alien spacecraft to regions unknown......
while never leaving the kitchen.
Or just lose yourself, start playing God, and create yourself a VRPet or two and train them into ideal virtual beings.
Now I must warn you, newer VRusers are more susceptable to succomb to the lure of the virtual world and all its enticements, as they have not lived with such a powerful and awe inspiring technology as staple of their edutainment. With frequent use, the lines that usually seperate the real from the virtual will become, not so much blurred, as crystal clear. After prolonged use you will wonder how you have lived without this wonderful release from the modern world.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
TAINGO!
Last Tuesday Dr. Awkward held our Twice Annual Invention Night and Gadget-Off (TAINGO). It has only been six months but the gears were really turning with the guys this time. A good showing all around....well mostly. Drew felt the need to push his now "classic" and still very original Guitar Gods video game. I don't know Drew, I think we've seen that one somewhere before and I think that has also been your invention for the last three TAINGOs. 
Adam came through with The Toaster Shirt®. The Toaster Shirt® is the latest in breakfast technology. Running on solar panels sewn into the sleeves of the shirt, The Toaster Shirt® harnesses the suns rays to activate the super heated LED's located in the twin front pockets for perfectly browned toast everytime.
Look at that toast fly! Adam has plans to add butter and, if technological advances are in our favor, jam. If you can believe it, it can happen. The Toaster Shirt® is destined to singe the nipples of commuters everywhere.
This time out Dan introduced us to the Electric Wallet and I have to say it is about damn time. It is like one of those products you see and say 'No shit?! I can't believe I didn't think that up! It's so obvious, it's like discovering the can opener!' I have been walking around with a pair of AA's in mine like an idiot. No wonder the fucking thing barely works. The Electric Wallet, while still a prototype, will work with all standard outlet types in the US and most of Europe. Dan hopes to have it ready in time for the holiday season.
Justin, on the other hand, had some tricks up his sleeve this time out.
BLAM! Mo-fuckin' Time Machine!
That's right a no fooling, genuine, certified, electrified machine designed to traverse time and space. Justin really hit the nail on the head with this one. You know, I really don't think "scientists" are doing too much these days. I don't know why it never occurred to one of those lab coats to even try using a hot tub. Well, Justin was obliged to indulge us, as we were pretty eager to see a demo of thing. He jumped in and WHOOOSH!SPLASH!PLOP!..........gone.
Cole held no stops, despite the fact Justin had just disappeared into a glowing jacuzzi, and busted out his Invisible Circular Saw. Bullshit was called fairly quickly but that crazy son of a bitch went and sawed his own fucking hand off with the thing. Gross! It does however support both Dewalt and Craftsman batteries, which is a rarity.
Cole, seeing that he now had a problem on his hand, decided to take the leap into the hot tub and take things back a few minutes. WHOOOSH!SPLASH!PLOP!..........gone.
Ironically, he dove in right at the moment Justin had rejoined us in the present. So for all you doubters out there, yeah, it works and no you can't use it.
A few moments later Cole emerged from the bubbling time tub with a new and far superior hand. One that no saw can destroy. No matter how visible. I am happy to report bionics are alive and well, and in our near future. If you thought tight pants, sleeve tattoos, and being an aloof douche bag were all the rage, just wait til March 2014, bitches.
Drew took one look at Cole's new gear and felt an uncontrollable urge for some robo-flare of his own. He leaped into the machine. WHOOOSH!SPLASH!PLOP!..........gone
While we were stunned by Cole's missing limb and his audacity to try and prove that invisible power tools were a practical solution for the modern contractor, Evan had slipped into and out of the time machine accomplishing what I suppose was a life long pursuit.
Apparently Evan wrote the Bible now. I say it out loud and I can't be sure it is true but I also don't remember the words of God coming from any other source. Smooth.
As we ended this year's TAINGO, Drew returned from his travels with a fun new lizard friend and a small case of gigantism. He was just in time for Evan to regale us with wild Bible tales of yore. Another TAINGO in the books. We will see you guys at the next TAINGO, until then keep creating. Opportunity is everywhere!
Adam came through with The Toaster Shirt®. The Toaster Shirt® is the latest in breakfast technology. Running on solar panels sewn into the sleeves of the shirt, The Toaster Shirt® harnesses the suns rays to activate the super heated LED's located in the twin front pockets for perfectly browned toast everytime.
Look at that toast fly! Adam has plans to add butter and, if technological advances are in our favor, jam. If you can believe it, it can happen. The Toaster Shirt® is destined to singe the nipples of commuters everywhere.
This time out Dan introduced us to the Electric Wallet and I have to say it is about damn time. It is like one of those products you see and say 'No shit?! I can't believe I didn't think that up! It's so obvious, it's like discovering the can opener!' I have been walking around with a pair of AA's in mine like an idiot. No wonder the fucking thing barely works. The Electric Wallet, while still a prototype, will work with all standard outlet types in the US and most of Europe. Dan hopes to have it ready in time for the holiday season.
Justin, on the other hand, had some tricks up his sleeve this time out.
BLAM! Mo-fuckin' Time Machine!
That's right a no fooling, genuine, certified, electrified machine designed to traverse time and space. Justin really hit the nail on the head with this one. You know, I really don't think "scientists" are doing too much these days. I don't know why it never occurred to one of those lab coats to even try using a hot tub. Well, Justin was obliged to indulge us, as we were pretty eager to see a demo of thing. He jumped in and WHOOOSH!SPLASH!PLOP!..........gone.
Cole held no stops, despite the fact Justin had just disappeared into a glowing jacuzzi, and busted out his Invisible Circular Saw. Bullshit was called fairly quickly but that crazy son of a bitch went and sawed his own fucking hand off with the thing. Gross! It does however support both Dewalt and Craftsman batteries, which is a rarity.
Cole, seeing that he now had a problem on his hand, decided to take the leap into the hot tub and take things back a few minutes. WHOOOSH!SPLASH!PLOP!..........gone.
Ironically, he dove in right at the moment Justin had rejoined us in the present. So for all you doubters out there, yeah, it works and no you can't use it.
A few moments later Cole emerged from the bubbling time tub with a new and far superior hand. One that no saw can destroy. No matter how visible. I am happy to report bionics are alive and well, and in our near future. If you thought tight pants, sleeve tattoos, and being an aloof douche bag were all the rage, just wait til March 2014, bitches.Drew took one look at Cole's new gear and felt an uncontrollable urge for some robo-flare of his own. He leaped into the machine. WHOOOSH!SPLASH!PLOP!..........gone
While we were stunned by Cole's missing limb and his audacity to try and prove that invisible power tools were a practical solution for the modern contractor, Evan had slipped into and out of the time machine accomplishing what I suppose was a life long pursuit.
Apparently Evan wrote the Bible now. I say it out loud and I can't be sure it is true but I also don't remember the words of God coming from any other source. Smooth.
As we ended this year's TAINGO, Drew returned from his travels with a fun new lizard friend and a small case of gigantism. He was just in time for Evan to regale us with wild Bible tales of yore. Another TAINGO in the books. We will see you guys at the next TAINGO, until then keep creating. Opportunity is everywhere!
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Awkward Answers
You sent in the questions and Uncle Awkward has got some answers for you. Keep'em coming, this guy is full of it, answers that is.
Friday, March 13, 2009
Uncle Awkward has a query....
HEYA FELLAS AND LADY FELLAS! This is your Uncle Awkward here and I only have ONE question for you: you got a question for ME?
Any question whatsoever, you ga'head and leave ya questions in the comments. If I pick your question, the boys and I will make a video of it and me answering your question, for entertainments sake. So you ga'head and take care of that for me. Will YA? eh? Will YA?...ok. god bless.
Any question whatsoever, you ga'head and leave ya questions in the comments. If I pick your question, the boys and I will make a video of it and me answering your question, for entertainments sake. So you ga'head and take care of that for me. Will YA? eh? Will YA?...ok. god bless.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Comedy Tips: Auditions
To get your big break in comedy is a trial by fire. Shitty gigs,no pay. It is the pits. Actually one of its biggest pitfalls is auditioning. Dr. Awkward auditions every day. We audition for everything we make as a group, just to stay sharp. It is a must.
Sometimes you just don't get the part. Sometimes you get nervous, forget lines, the point. You sweat/smell. You don't even know why you are there. Well we can help you with all that nonsense. Here are a few pointers from Dr. Awkward so you can nail the part and move your little career along.
1. Don't be nervous. - Just be yourself, relax and have fun.
2. Eye contact. - Make lots of eye contact. Boatloads of it. Let them know you are serious about this part. Not just serious, but confident and collected.
3. Be sober. - Now I know we all love to get a little loose from time to time but now is not the time. Your are here to impress. Be professional.
4. Or be just the right amount of drunk. - That being said, there are those sweet drunken moments when you can feel that the cosmos has aligned, things are clicking like clockwork, and everything you say and hear turns to gold.
5. Don't be a bully. - Let's face it, bullies are dicks. That shit is totally uncalled for and it certainly will not be tolerated here.
6. Don't be armed. - There is not one single reason to bring a weapon with you. Not one. Unless you have a good one, but I doubt it. You will be destined for disaster.
7. Stick to the script. - Can't stress this enough. You know people take the time to write that garbage so you might as well spew it back at them how they want to hear it. Just give them what they are asking for and it will pay off every time.
Sometimes you just don't get the part. Sometimes you get nervous, forget lines, the point. You sweat/smell. You don't even know why you are there. Well we can help you with all that nonsense. Here are a few pointers from Dr. Awkward so you can nail the part and move your little career along.
1. Don't be nervous. - Just be yourself, relax and have fun.
2. Eye contact. - Make lots of eye contact. Boatloads of it. Let them know you are serious about this part. Not just serious, but confident and collected.
3. Be sober. - Now I know we all love to get a little loose from time to time but now is not the time. Your are here to impress. Be professional.
4. Or be just the right amount of drunk. - That being said, there are those sweet drunken moments when you can feel that the cosmos has aligned, things are clicking like clockwork, and everything you say and hear turns to gold.
5. Don't be a bully. - Let's face it, bullies are dicks. That shit is totally uncalled for and it certainly will not be tolerated here.
6. Don't be armed. - There is not one single reason to bring a weapon with you. Not one. Unless you have a good one, but I doubt it. You will be destined for disaster.
7. Stick to the script. - Can't stress this enough. You know people take the time to write that garbage so you might as well spew it back at them how they want to hear it. Just give them what they are asking for and it will pay off every time.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Monday, February 16, 2009
The Alien Test
Recently, it has come to Dr. Awkward's attention that we have been harboring an alien fugitive. Now I know this is shocking, hell I almost puked when I found out, but truth be told no one was above suspicion. AN ALIEN! A real life creature, a monster, sitting right next to you ready to cook your brains for fun and punch your mom in the face.
No way. Never. Dr. Awkward was NOT about to be bamboozled by a friggin alien. We got the group together as soon as possible to take the Alien Test. Here's how the day went down:
10:30am
Justin and Dan arrive with the test kits.
10:37am
With tensions running high, Dan finds out he will not be reimbursed for purchasing the tests and Justin claims he has already been tested. Which I am sure is accurate. Drew is yet to arrive.
12:07pm
Drew arrives and the testing commences. Whoever told you that an alien test take's five minutes is a liar. With the prep work, baking time, and the vials of solution....fucking ridiculous. Anyway everyone took their test and it is now time to wait to see who the real Benjamin Arnold is.
2:41pm
No results yet. The guys are getting a little restless. Dan is obviously irritated, but Drew quickly reminds him of the seriousness of the situation and that we need to find out who the alien is or we could all be quarantined.
3:16pm
Still not one test result back. Dan, losing his patience, starts leaking acid from his eyes, as we are all prone to do from time to time. Personally, I can't stand waiting, it makes me want to crap.
Justin loses his composure unleashing a tirade of vulgarity demanding that the alien step forward so that we move on and stop "taking up his whole afternoon."
After that, silence.
3:23
Dan vomits acid. Really, very gross.
4:01pm
The Results are in!
Alien tests are not a simple yes/no answer, a plus minus/type thing. It is a series of yes/nos, plus/minus type things.
The Results:
Dan- no, yes, minus, yes, no - not an alien.
Justin- no, yes, minus, yes, no - not an alien either.
Drew- yes, no, plus, no, yes - totally a friggin alien!
"Come on guys, am I really that different?" Yes, Drew. And it is bullshit.
4:03pm
Drew has been outed and now decides it is time to shed his human flesh for his more familiar form.
It would not be such a big deal but the thing that gets me the most is the lying. If Drew could have just came out and said"Hey, I'm an alien. I use this body as an exoskeleton to protect my alien body." Fine. We would have been ok with that, but to beat around the bush for this long, come on. Sure Canadians are strange and scary, but for fucks sake those tests cost money, eh. Moral of the story, if your an alien just be honest and save everyone a lot of trouble.
No way. Never. Dr. Awkward was NOT about to be bamboozled by a friggin alien. We got the group together as soon as possible to take the Alien Test. Here's how the day went down:
10:30am
Justin and Dan arrive with the test kits.
10:37am
With tensions running high, Dan finds out he will not be reimbursed for purchasing the tests and Justin claims he has already been tested. Which I am sure is accurate. Drew is yet to arrive.
12:07pm
Drew arrives and the testing commences. Whoever told you that an alien test take's five minutes is a liar. With the prep work, baking time, and the vials of solution....fucking ridiculous. Anyway everyone took their test and it is now time to wait to see who the real Benjamin Arnold is.
2:41pm
No results yet. The guys are getting a little restless. Dan is obviously irritated, but Drew quickly reminds him of the seriousness of the situation and that we need to find out who the alien is or we could all be quarantined.
3:16pm
Still not one test result back. Dan, losing his patience, starts leaking acid from his eyes, as we are all prone to do from time to time. Personally, I can't stand waiting, it makes me want to crap.
Justin loses his composure unleashing a tirade of vulgarity demanding that the alien step forward so that we move on and stop "taking up his whole afternoon."
After that, silence.
3:23
Dan vomits acid. Really, very gross.
4:01pm
The Results are in!
Alien tests are not a simple yes/no answer, a plus minus/type thing. It is a series of yes/nos, plus/minus type things.
The Results:
Dan- no, yes, minus, yes, no - not an alien.
Justin- no, yes, minus, yes, no - not an alien either.
Drew- yes, no, plus, no, yes - totally a friggin alien!
"Come on guys, am I really that different?" Yes, Drew. And it is bullshit.
4:03pm
Drew has been outed and now decides it is time to shed his human flesh for his more familiar form.
It would not be such a big deal but the thing that gets me the most is the lying. If Drew could have just came out and said"Hey, I'm an alien. I use this body as an exoskeleton to protect my alien body." Fine. We would have been ok with that, but to beat around the bush for this long, come on. Sure Canadians are strange and scary, but for fucks sake those tests cost money, eh. Moral of the story, if your an alien just be honest and save everyone a lot of trouble.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Monday, February 9, 2009
Saturday, January 10, 2009
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