Wednesday, April 29, 2009


Last Tuesday Dr. Awkward held our Twice Annual Invention Night and Gadget-Off (TAINGO). It has only been six months but the gears were really turning with the guys this time. A good showing all around....well mostly. Drew felt the need to push his now "classic" and still very original Guitar Gods video game. I don't know Drew, I think we've seen that one somewhere before and I think that has also been your invention for the last three TAINGOs. Adam came through with The Toaster Shirt®. The Toaster Shirt® is the latest in breakfast technology. Running on solar panels sewn into the sleeves of the shirt, The Toaster Shirt® harnesses the suns rays to activate the super heated LED's located in the twin front pockets for perfectly browned toast everytime.
Look at that toast fly! Adam has plans to add butter and, if technological advances are in our favor, jam. If you can believe it, it can happen. The Toaster Shirt® is destined to singe the nipples of commuters everywhere.
This time out Dan introduced us to the Electric Wallet and I have to say it is about damn time. It is like one of those products you see and say 'No shit?! I can't believe I didn't think that up! It's so obvious, it's like discovering the can opener!' I have been walking around with a pair of AA's in mine like an idiot. No wonder the fucking thing barely works. The Electric Wallet, while still a prototype, will work with all standard outlet types in the US and most of Europe. Dan hopes to have it ready in time for the holiday season.
Justin, on the other hand, had some tricks up his sleeve this time out.
BLAM! Mo-fuckin' Time Machine!
That's right a no fooling, genuine, certified, electrified machine designed to traverse time and space. Justin really hit the nail on the head with this one. You know, I really don't think "scientists" are doing too much these days. I don't know why it never occurred to one of those lab coats to even try using a hot tub. Well, Justin was obliged to indulge us, as we were pretty eager to see a demo of thing. He jumped in and WHOOOSH!SPLASH!PLOP!..........gone.
Cole held no stops, despite the fact Justin had just disappeared into a glowing jacuzzi, and busted out his Invisible Circular Saw. Bullshit was called fairly quickly but that crazy son of a bitch went and sawed his own fucking hand off with the thing. Gross! It does however support both Dewalt and Craftsman batteries, which is a rarity.
Cole, seeing that he now had a problem on his hand, decided to take the leap into the hot tub and take things back a few minutes. WHOOOSH!SPLASH!PLOP!..........gone.
Ironically, he dove in right at the moment Justin had rejoined us in the present. So for all you doubters out there, yeah, it works and no you can't use it.
A few moments later Cole emerged from the bubbling time tub with a new and far superior hand. One that no saw can destroy. No matter how visible. I am happy to report bionics are alive and well, and in our near future. If you thought tight pants, sleeve tattoos, and being an aloof douche bag were all the rage, just wait til March 2014, bitches.

Drew took one look at Cole's new gear and felt an uncontrollable urge for some robo-flare of his own. He leaped into the machine. WHOOOSH!SPLASH!PLOP!..........gone
While we were stunned by Cole's missing limb and his audacity to try and prove that invisible power tools were a practical solution for the modern contractor, Evan had slipped into and out of the time machine accomplishing what I suppose was a life long pursuit.
Apparently Evan wrote the Bible now. I say it out loud and I can't be sure it is true but I also don't remember the words of God coming from any other source. Smooth.
As we ended this year's TAINGO, Drew returned from his travels with a fun new lizard friend and a small case of gigantism. He was just in time for Evan to regale us with wild Bible tales of yore. Another TAINGO in the books. We will see you guys at the next TAINGO, until then keep creating. Opportunity is everywhere!

No comments: