Waiting on a Pizza

Ask Uncle Awkward

Ask Uncle Awkward

VR2009

We have lived in the future. No I am serious. We have lived in the future and we went right past it. There was a time that the future was donning a helmet or mask or suit, plugging in and taking a nice cool dip into the murky waters of a Virtual Reality. That time was 1992. The virtual world was an open canvas for your imagination. It was an escape to a world in which you controlled your destiny, desires, and where you could surpass your human limitations. Advance to the next level.

Well digging through our basement last week, Dr.Awkward has found the way back. Grab your Doc's, Discman, and flannels and let's step into the other side.
This is your standard VR setup of the day. I can not believe we were one the few that actually hung onto theirs. These things were like VCR's and microwaves in 1992, everyone had them, if not one, a spare on top of that. For you younger readers out there, that funny looking personal video viewer is actually an Adult Size VR Helmet. And those "weirdo" gloves, yep you guessed it, VR Gloves, junior.

The virtual world is nothing to be scared of, the VRuser is always in control. Your first few experiences of VR can be jarring. The utter freedom and power can stifle the initial fulfillment taken from your travels. For an experienced VRuser it can be magical.
Magical. VR allows the VRuser to do anything that their mind can conjure. If you want to fly, you FLY!
It is that easy. Even though you are traversing galaxies and universes of your own design, the VRuser is safe within the confines of home.
With limitless possibility at your finger tips, you are free to do what ever your fingertips would like. Maybe, say, pilot alien spacecraft to regions unknown......
while never leaving the kitchen.
Or just lose yourself, start playing God, and create yourself a VRPet or two and train them into ideal virtual beings.
Now I must warn you, newer VRusers are more susceptable to succomb to the lure of the virtual world and all its enticements, as they have not lived with such a powerful and awe inspiring technology as staple of their edutainment. With frequent use, the lines that usually seperate the real from the virtual will become, not so much blurred, as crystal clear. After prolonged use you will wonder how you have lived without this wonderful release from the modern world.

Doin' it

The Rules

TAINGO!

Last Tuesday Dr. Awkward held our Twice Annual Invention Night and Gadget-Off (TAINGO). It has only been six months but the gears were really turning with the guys this time. A good showing all around....well mostly. Drew felt the need to push his now "classic" and still very original Guitar Gods video game. I don't know Drew, I think we've seen that one somewhere before and I think that has also been your invention for the last three TAINGOs. Adam came through with The Toaster Shirt®. The Toaster Shirt® is the latest in breakfast technology. Running on solar panels sewn into the sleeves of the shirt, The Toaster Shirt® harnesses the suns rays to activate the super heated LED's located in the twin front pockets for perfectly browned toast everytime.
Look at that toast fly! Adam has plans to add butter and, if technological advances are in our favor, jam. If you can believe it, it can happen. The Toaster Shirt® is destined to singe the nipples of commuters everywhere.
This time out Dan introduced us to the Electric Wallet and I have to say it is about damn time. It is like one of those products you see and say 'No shit?! I can't believe I didn't think that up! It's so obvious, it's like discovering the can opener!' I have been walking around with a pair of AA's in mine like an idiot. No wonder the fucking thing barely works. The Electric Wallet, while still a prototype, will work with all standard outlet types in the US and most of Europe. Dan hopes to have it ready in time for the holiday season.
Justin, on the other hand, had some tricks up his sleeve this time out.
BLAM! Mo-fuckin' Time Machine!
That's right a no fooling, genuine, certified, electrified machine designed to traverse time and space. Justin really hit the nail on the head with this one. You know, I really don't think "scientists" are doing too much these days. I don't know why it never occurred to one of those lab coats to even try using a hot tub. Well, Justin was obliged to indulge us, as we were pretty eager to see a demo of thing. He jumped in and WHOOOSH!SPLASH!PLOP!..........gone.
Cole held no stops, despite the fact Justin had just disappeared into a glowing jacuzzi, and busted out his Invisible Circular Saw. Bullshit was called fairly quickly but that crazy son of a bitch went and sawed his own fucking hand off with the thing. Gross! It does however support both Dewalt and Craftsman batteries, which is a rarity.
Cole, seeing that he now had a problem on his hand, decided to take the leap into the hot tub and take things back a few minutes. WHOOOSH!SPLASH!PLOP!..........gone.
Ironically, he dove in right at the moment Justin had rejoined us in the present. So for all you doubters out there, yeah, it works and no you can't use it.
A few moments later Cole emerged from the bubbling time tub with a new and far superior hand. One that no saw can destroy. No matter how visible. I am happy to report bionics are alive and well, and in our near future. If you thought tight pants, sleeve tattoos, and being an aloof douche bag were all the rage, just wait til March 2014, bitches.

Drew took one look at Cole's new gear and felt an uncontrollable urge for some robo-flare of his own. He leaped into the machine. WHOOOSH!SPLASH!PLOP!..........gone
While we were stunned by Cole's missing limb and his audacity to try and prove that invisible power tools were a practical solution for the modern contractor, Evan had slipped into and out of the time machine accomplishing what I suppose was a life long pursuit.
Apparently Evan wrote the Bible now. I say it out loud and I can't be sure it is true but I also don't remember the words of God coming from any other source. Smooth.
As we ended this year's TAINGO, Drew returned from his travels with a fun new lizard friend and a small case of gigantism. He was just in time for Evan to regale us with wild Bible tales of yore. Another TAINGO in the books. We will see you guys at the next TAINGO, until then keep creating. Opportunity is everywhere!

Dr. Awkward is.......

Awkward Answers

You sent in the questions and Uncle Awkward has got some answers for you. Keep'em coming, this guy is full of it, answers that is.

Uncle Awkward has a query....

HEYA FELLAS AND LADY FELLAS! This is your Uncle Awkward here and I only have ONE question for you: you got a question for ME?

Any question whatsoever, you ga'head and leave ya questions in the comments. If I pick your question, the boys and I will make a video of it and me answering your question, for entertainments sake. So you ga'head and take care of that for me. Will YA? eh? Will YA?...ok. god bless.

Look out! It's Thanksgiving!

Holy crap it is Thanksgiving! I can't believe it has been a year already since the last time Dr. Awkward congregated to celebrate the rape of a native culture and the pillaging of their land. Though last years dinner went without a major incident, the sum of the minor ones was enough to convince us that a group gathering was just not in the cards this year.



Instead we would like to take this time to take stock, look inside ourselves, and share what Thanksgiving means to us and for what we will be giving thanks this year. Thanksgiving, contrary to popular belief, isn't about food, fun, family, fantasy, and friends. It is about the feeling deep down inside that each of us finds on that special Thursday. That feeling that we can't believe we have to go through the motions for another year or maybe it is just a turkey and stuffing fueled dump. Whatever it is it makes us thankful as shit and here some of those things we are thankful for:











Happy Thanksgiving